She is after me...

     

She is always after me. She spies on me and never leaves me alone. She doesn't let me sit in peace...always being critical, always admonishing...I am never free from her constant watch. She inspects me and tries to find out everything about me. I don't feel comfortable with her always around me. But she is not ready to leave me. I can not get rid of her either. She stays with me and we are inseparable. She nags me for being lazy, for doing things the wrong way and even for thinking in a negative manner! 

Although I do not like her constant monitoring over me, I can not do without her. She has to be with me and I actually need her critique and advice. I simply can not do without her.

I do not like her because she doesn't let me live in a carefree manner, she doesn't let me waste my time as I please, she doesn't let me abandon my duties and when I behave badly she gets even more strict. 

If she goes away and leaves me alone I will not exist any more. I keep on doing the tough things and the things that I do not feel like doing just because of her. She gets me to do things that matter to me the most and are in my favor but sometimes such things call for hard work, giving up sleep, getting up and going and just doing the action. She is always after me to improve myself and never likes it when I lag behind or feel sluggish. 

I can not but let her do her will even if she doesn't let me live in ease and comfort, joy and playfulness and enjoyment and irresponsible attitude. She wants to see me keep on struggling and working toward a better me though I have fallen many many times and she has seen it herself. But she believes in me. She wants me not to give up and wants me to keep going till the end...till the time when she leaves me but still does not...she will leave but will again take me with her...

I will be with her where ever she goes...

she is my inner voice...

my conscience...

the 'me' which needs to be under constant watch and scrutiny and it is best for me I know.